1000 Albums Project

ALBUM 116

The Undivided Five, by A Winged Victory For The Sullen
Suggested by Stuart Emerson

Hi Stuart. Thanks for joining me.

What about that Covid, hey? Yeah I know. Shocking. You coping? Good.

You’ve cut your hair since I last saw you? Nice. It looks good, man. Stylish.

I bet you’re wondering why I asked to see you. Right? Well…  It’s about your suggestion.

Which one? … … … I think you know which one, mate.

Yeah, that’s the one. The Undivided Five.

So… … … …

What score do you think I gave it?

Really? You think I gave it that? … … … Interesting.

How many albums have I reviewed, Stu? … That’s right. One-hundred-and-fifteen.

One-hundred-and-fifteen albums, Stu! And you honestly think, considering the scores of all that’s come before it, that I’d give The Undivided Five a score like that? Really?!

I suggest you have a little re-think Stu, because I’m getting a little ticked off now…

 Honestly, Stu. Concentrate. What score do you think I gave this album?

… … … That’s more like it, Stu.

Now, what have you got to say for yourself?

A Winged Victory For The Sullen are an ambient music duo. The Undivided Five is an ambient album. So here is my ambient review.

Start… … … … … … … …

… … … … … … Strings … … … …

… … Space … … … … … … …

… … … … … … … Sleepy … … …

… … … … Plinky Plonky … … …

… … Chasm … … … … … … … …

… … … … … … Yawn … … …

… … … … Mum?

Being charitable for a paragraph, what can I say? This project requires me to be an active listener. I’ve three albums per day, one listen each, reviews written on the fly, bosh! Done. Crank it out, next! Sure, it’s not the best way to listen to all music, but it’s the tools of the toil and it frames my response. A Winged Victory For The Sullen aren’t supplying action, they’re supplying a passive undercurrent. They’re laying down a rug for a gallery floor. It’s pretty, but it’s still something to step on while you check out the art on the walls. It’s music that wants to pass unnoticed, like a creeping guff or a stakeout cop. If you listen to it, you lose the game.

Discarding charity for honesty, I found it completely pointless. I suppose it’s relaxing, if it’s not irritating the hell out of you. And I suppose it’s mellifluous, if you’re happy to haze it out with an unfocussed shrug. But it doesn’t move, it doesn’t build, it doesn’t soar, it doesn’t inspire, it doesn’t elevate, it doesn’t sing, it doesn’t dance, it doesn’t pout or strut or swagger. It doesn’t run, it doesn’t walk, it doesn’t wail or whisper.

It just doesn’t. It doesn’t and it isn’t.

I came this close to scoring The Undivided Five as a 1/10. But the track titles are excellent, especially “Aqualung, Motherf**ker”, and I guess that Adios Florida did something other than stare blankly from the void. But overall, this album made me long for the next one, which is by a band called Skeletonwitch and is obviously Death Metal. If I’m craving The Growl, you know something’s gone badly wrong.

The Undivided Five. 2/10. And a weak two at that.

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